Soul Calibur IV: a Non-Feminist Review

I think we can all agree that a female perspective on games is a good thing, whether it comes from a hardline feminist or a bound-and-gagged sex slave. But it’s important to remember that gender isn’t the only lens through which games can be approached. So as a thought experiment, I’ve decided to review Soul Calibur IV in a way that is not only not feminist, but which completely excludes women, female issues, and female needs from the discussion.

In short, I tried to begin this article by completely forgetting that women exist, and proceeding from there. See what you think.

Soul Calibur IV

First Impressions:

I was a little distracted by some of the characters in Soul Calibur IV. Don’t get me wrong, the character design is quite good, and I don’t mean I was distracted by the presence of sci-fi icons Yoda and Darth Vader. What I’m referring to is this: there were quite a few characters with basically familiar human proportions but a physique that was distractingly unfamiliar.

Let me see if I can describe it: they’re a bit shorter than average, and a bit – how to say it – curvier? Particularly striking are the two protrusions, “lumps” you might say, front-and-center on the torso. I flipped through the instruction manual to see if they might be a fantasy race, like the Black Plastic Head People that Darth Vader hails from, but I didn’t see any explanation.

I know, I know. It’s a fighting game, I shouldn’t be delving too deeply into the backstory. But I saw hints that the inclusion of these characters was well-thought out; for example, they tend to be referred to as “she” and “her,” which I assume are honorifics on their homeworld. You don’t put that kind of detail into your characters without some kind of reason. I know Vader and Yoda because I’ve watched Star Wars; is there some hugely popular sci-fi or fantasy series that explains these other characters? Or perhaps some other video game, one that details how they live, work, and play beach volleyball?

I have to admit I’m intrigued by these creatures, and I’d like to learn more if someone could point me in the right direction.


Sound, Graphics, Gameplay, Balance, Fun, and Story:

I couldn’t be bothered to evaluate these things. Too intrigued.